Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
