Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
