Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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