First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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