I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
