He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i think my tv is drunk
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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