my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is my gift to your gina
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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