God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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