But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
