I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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