My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
