it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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