Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
