I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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