So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
