Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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