Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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