If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
