Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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