U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
