Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
