new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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