It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
