im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
