I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i used baking grease as lip gloss
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
