Ambien. No doubt about it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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