i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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