okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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