Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
