I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As shirtless as possible
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
