tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
