..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
