Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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