were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
