I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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