So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
