i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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