Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
