What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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