On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
