so explain again why im purple
no
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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