she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
