so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
