Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
