Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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