I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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