Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
