I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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