Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
