I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
