I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
